Dealing
by Lady Arcano
Summary: A very short story of Harry trying to deal with the death of his Godfather.


**Dealing **

AN: I own none of the mentioned Characters.

AN II: I lost someone dear to me and tried to deal with it in my own way. Because of this, I ask you to respect my feelings that were integrated into this story. Therefore: Flames will be deleted on the spot and not even considered. Oh, and please excuse any mistakes – I'm not a native speaker.

The sun had long since set and a cold wind was lightly rustling the leafs of the Forbidden Forest. The new moon seemed to have taken to hiding from the world. Dark clouds had taken over the sky instead.

Nobody was awake at the ungodly hour of 4 a.m. on this saturday night except one person. High up, on the roof of the east tower, sat a lonely figure, completely lost to the world. His black hair seemed unkempt, his forest green eyes tired, restless and full of pain. His eyes looked unseeingly into the distance, while his arms were slung protectively around his knees.

Harry and his friends had been back from the "Ministry Fiasco" for about 2 days now. Two days in which a deep pain had taken over Harry. He had seen Sirius fall to his death. He had been there and had not been able to do anything. He had been there and was helpless as the only person, the only father figure he ever had, dies in front of his eyes.

A tear left those green eyes and joined the others that were running over Harry's face. If only he had never went to the ministry. If only he had thought more carefully. If only...

With a deep, soulful and hopeless sigh Harry's head sank down onto his folded arms. He felt totally alone now. His heart felt as if it would burst because of his sadness. He felt so wary. So tired of thinking. So helpless when looking towards the future. After all, Sirius had been the only adult who had ever taken the time to get to know Harry. Just Harry. The person he really was and not the figure everybody else wanted to see him as.

When he had been with Sirius, he had been able to laugh freely. Ha had not been a freak or a savior. He had not to put up a front and be happy, angry or sad according to someones expectations. He had been able to be just himself - Just little Harry Potter, who was unsure of life and had the same problems as every normal teenager, too.

But all that was gone now. He had tried to talk to his friends. But they had never lost someone so close to them that their life seemed darker now. They just could not understand him and his feelings. Even the other adults had been sad for an hour before basically telling him to get over it and take on his cheerful facade again. After all, the public should not have to see a hopeless savior.

But what about Harry? Whom does he have to look up to? Why did he have to be the strong one when people older than him were aloud to be and do what he could only dream of?

"Sirius, I miss you." he muttered silently into the night. Closing his eyes, he tried to think of Sirius, as he was before. Laughing and smiling at him. Helping Harry to work trough his problems and promising him to help wherever he could. But it was hard. So hard to remember anything but the surprised eyes of Sirius' last seconds before he fell into the veil.

Quietly Harry first hummed, than sang a song he had once heard on the radio. It strangely fit him and his situation.

_Every time I think of you I feel like crying._

_It is hard to remember good times,_

_when all I hear are those words,_

_when all I see is your death._

_Should I have been able to see the signs?_

_Could I have done something?_

_Would I have done something?_

_Fact is – I don't know._

_I feel like crying when I remember you._

_I feel like smiling when I remember you._

_I feel like screaming when I remember you._

_I promise, I will never forget you._

_You were like a sister to me. _

_I miss your presence at home. _

_I know I should try to remember better times._

_But sometimes it's just so hard._

_I sit on my desk and pray for you-_

_That you may be in a better place._

_I truly believe that we will meet again..._

_And that you're happy now._

_I feel like crying when I remember you._

_I feel like smiling when I remember you._

_I feel like screaming when I remember you._

_I promise, I will never forget you._

_I promised to keep on living for you._

_Doing my best to conquer my dreams._

"_I will not give up" will be my motto-_

_In honor of your presence in my life._

_So please help me realise my dreams._

_Be with me and give me strength._

_Let me conquer the sadness_

_and find happiness in my life._

_I feel like crying when I remember you._

_I feel like smiling when I remember you._

_I feel like screaming when I remember you._

_I promise, I will never forget you._

_I promise, I will never forget you._

Even tough tears were still flowing freely over his face, Harry felt better after singing this song. It expressed so man of his emotions. It also expressed a hope for the future that he hoped he could find in himself someday.

"Goodbye Siri. I will never forget you." he whispered quietly before finaly leaving the roof and going back to the dormitories. Even though he knew that sleep would be elusive, he would try his best for the future. For Sirius.

_FIN_


End file.
